We’re rewatching all of Dawson’s Creek in honor of its twentieth anniversary. Will require some mind-numbing. Drinking game rules can be found here.

Spoiler alert: This post contains spoilers from later in season 6!

Season 6, Episode 13 “Rock Bottom”

By Nerdy Spice

Audrey starts out this episode by announcing, “I don’t want to go to rehab.” Oh, Audrey. I have a song you’re going to LOVE three years in the future.

Turns out she and Joey are packing her up for rehab. Audrey rejects a certain sweater as not becoming enough for the rack, upon which Joey lectures her that she should focus on getting better rather than getting laid. Shot for Joey hating fun! Audrey also hilariously asks for her Jane magazines (I hope they got a lot of money for that product placement!), because “I missed like five issues while I was all wasted and whatnot.” God I love Audrey!

Just then the phone rings: the cab’s here. She’s sending Audrey in a CAB by HERSELF? No wonder this doesn’t work out! Audrey cutely calls Joey “Bitch” when Joey says she can’t have a drink at the airport, but then, after a few rounds of jokes, thanks her for not giving up on her. Awww. Look at these girls passing the Bechdel test with flying colors! Unfortunately, later Audrey’s mom calls to tell Joey that Audrey never showed up to rehab. It turns out she had a one-night stand with none other than Seth Rogen. Wow, I totally forgot that Audrey hooks up with Seth Rogen during her downward spiral! And he says that they “porked”! And picks a wedgie! Oh, Seth Rogen… you haven’t changed a bit! He adorably turns out to have been rather smitten by Audrey, who insists on bringing him along when Joey and Eddie offer to drive her all the way to LA for rehab.

Later that day, Joey frantically gathers her stuff and emerges from her room to find Eddie waiting outside. He says he came to say good-bye and, when she snarks that that’s not his style, condescendingly tells her she’s ten times sexier when she’s angry. Oh, go AWAY, Eddie. I cannot wait for Pacey to come back and replace you. Anyway, it turns out–of course–that Audrey DIDN’T go to rehab after all, so Joey takes Eddie up on his half-serious remark that he owes her one, and brings him along to pick up Audrey, and then presses him to service driving them across the country to rehab.

Audrey acts like a huge asshole to Eddie, unsurprisingly, and winds up stealing his car, leaving Joey and Eddie bickering by the side of the road. Eddie thinks Joey hates him (which would be justified), Joey thinks Eddie doesn’t give a crap about her (for good reason), but they eventually unwind the not-particularly-complicated nuances of all of this, and wind up–once the drama is all over with Audrey–kissing and promising to meet back up in a year. This is almost as unrealistic as the thing Audrey says to Eddie, that he will “go down as one of the great loves of Joey Potter’s life.” Honey, you’re not even one of the great loves of the sixth season, OK?

But back to Audrey, she and Seth Rogen find a trashy bar, where Seth Rogen promptly passes out, leaving Audrey to get snookered into “checking out my car” by a guy she meets in the bar. When he turns out to actually be a creeper, she has to fight him off by force in the parking lot. Joey and Eddie just happen to find her as she’s beating the guy to a pulp. For some reason this makes Audrey say tearily that she’s ready to go to rehab, which… whatever.

Obviously, I really dislike that this attempted rape is used as a way to show that Audrey has problems. Not that Dawson’s is in any way unusual in using this concept in this gross victim-blamey way. But this is unusual in that it’s so clearly NOT the actual rock bottom of Audrey’s downward spiral. So she can beat the shit out of would-be rapists even while trashed… I find that pretty impressive and definitely not Rock Bottom, especially compared to, I don’t know, stealing your friend’s mom’s Xanax and wrecking her house, or going to the hospital with actual alcohol poisoning, or sleeping with Seth Rogen voluntarily (I kid, I kid! Seth Rogen is foxy, though we’re obviously not supposed to know that in the dark days of 2003).

Meanwhile, Dawson’s leading reshoots on this doomed movie, and no one takes him seriously. The camera people are flat-out rude, and Natasha hates the new scene he wrote. She also refuses to get naked. Dawson casually tells her the studio wants “a little gratuitous T&A, but don’t worry, I’ll do it tastefully.” Somehow the first part of that sentence made the second half seem very unlikely, and also, I love how Dawson thinks that deeming himself “tasteful” is all Natasha could possibly need to feel comfortable with nudity. She refuses to do it, in a way that is supposed to indicate that she’s Being Difficult but is actually just… her right as a human being, so, shut up Dawson!

Finally Natasha drops some truth on Dawson: he’s not actually entitled to respect just because he’s the director. He has to earn it. (I mean, I would argue that he wasn’t entitled to the level of fawning admiration he got as a kid either!) The fact that he’s not the center of everyone’s universe is news to Dawson due to his fatal case of Only Child Syndrome, but he takes the feedback, womans up, and fires a couple people. He also demands that Natasha follow the whole script for the rewrites. All of a sudden everyone loves him! (Natasha calls it a “vulgar display of authority,” which is an apt turn of phrase.) OK, great, I’m glad his breakthrough led to coerced nudity for his ex-fling? Even worse, at the end of the shoot, everyone’s high-fiving him for … getting through the day without puking, I guess? And Natasha gives him a backrub and sleeps with him! Ugh, vom. This isn’t going to help cure Dawson’s entitlement at all, is it?

Jen continues her rash of poor judgment. As background, Grams has broken up with Clifton Smalls, so when Jen finds out that CJ has a single uncle, she decides they MUST be set up. So, they’re in the same generation and they are both single and therefore they must be in love? Jen is so… stupid. I’m sorry. It turns out CJ’s Uncle Bill is a giant dickwad, but Grams actually likes being referred to as a religious broad with a stick up her ass, so it all works out. And, speaking of Jen’s delusional behavior being justified by unrealistic turns of events, CJ decides to relent on the woman who’s basically been stalking him and kiss her. Great choice, CJ.

• Joey says, “Do you remember the other night, when I found you unconscious,” and Audrey says, “Duh, I was unconscious,” in other words she doesn’t remember. Heh! Shot for Audrey winning the scene.
• Eddie, OF COURSE, gives Joey credit for his big break. She’s just so special and perfect, boys who date her immediately have their dreams come true!
• “Oh, well, could you maybe find a way to say some of this smarter?” Natasha demands of the scene Dawson wrote. Wow, an episode where people don’t immediately think all Dawson’s ideas are brilliant!
• The Grams/Clifton Smalls breakup is not because of sex, for the record. “Any reference to Mr. Smalls’ surname is a misnomer,” Grams claims. Which is GROSS. But it’s Jen’s fault for immediately asking, on no provocation, “Is this about sex?!” (Shot for people bringing up sex for no reason! And shot for Grams’s disgusting euphemism!)
• “How is Mommy doing?” Natasha asks condescendingly when Dawson gets a call from his mom. Hee.
• “How long have you been on the force, detective?” Audrey snarks when Joey says she didn’t go to rehab. And then she makes the same joke Seth Rogen made: “We didn’t exactly do a lot of talking, if you know what I mean.” Shot for Audrey winning the scene!
• “Sure I do [like Bob]. He’s twenty-one years old. He can buy us drinks,” says Audrey. Hee! I can’t remember when I ever heard a better reason to like a boy.
• Did an MTV VJ edit this episode? The montage of “hand-held” jittery road trip footage is cracking me up.
• “It’s wrong to hit girls, right?” Eddie says when Audrey makes fun of his car. Aw, it’s so cute when boys joke about violence against women! Not.
• Eddie complains that Joey hasn’t thanked him for driving them all across the country and Joey says indignantly, “Well, you said you owed me big-time!” Wow, she really is a spoiled princess. [Ha, I’m actually on Joey’s side here! He’s already going to LA anyway, and he’s the one who ghosted. If he wants back in with her, he has to do better than that. —Janes]
• Audrey and Bob’s conversation about what is and isn’t working for them in bed after their one-night stand is remarkably healthy! She wants him to last longer, he wants her to go slower… seems like a reasonable pair of requests! I see potential in this relationship, honestly.
• Joey goes on about how Eddie has made it “painfully clear how [he] feels about [her],” he dramatically says, “I love you,” and she essentially says it’s too late. Am I crazy? Didn’t we just have this conversation last episode? —Janes
• What made CJ decide Jen was amazing? She’s been the biggest brat this whole time!
• The only thing I like about CJ is that he’s exactly like all the underdeveloped female love interests we see on TV and in movies: beautiful, blank face, high cheekbones, and wildly variable motivations that make no discernible sense and are basically determined by whatever love interest the writers want him to have at the time. —Janes
• Audrey says that “You’re gonna go down in the books as one of the great loves of Joey Potter’s life,” which… I guess since she mostly spent her life being in love with either Dawson or Pacey, he could pretty easily make the top three, so maybe that’s true?
• I like how Audrey suddenly becomes willing to consider having sex with Seth Rogen again when he promises to work on his “hang time.” Hey, a girl’s gotta have standards! (Euphemism shot!)
• “Let’s not be those people who make false promises to each other when they both know the truth,” Dawson says. Wow, way to bring the Fun Quotient of this FWB arrangement to a crashing halt.
• Dawson admits to Natasha that this was all about sex, but like, they actually seem to genuinely like each other as people, which is sweet.
• [Caution: spoilers ahead!] When Eddie says that they should meet a year from now, Joey gives him a dubious look that I find amusing. I interpret it as, “OK, we both know that I’m not about to stay without a boyfriend for the next two EPISODES, let alone the next twelve months.” Oops, spoilers!

Highlight

There’s a lot of delightful stuff between Seth Rogen and Audrey. Probably the most I giggled was when Seth Rogen wakes himself up by farting while he’s asleep in the car: “I’m sorry, my ass was relaxed while I was sleeping,” he apologizes politely. Hee!

Most Cringeworthy Moment

REAL hard to pick among a classy bunch of candidates: Dawson casually informing his ex-sexual-partner that she will need to provide “gratuitous T&A” for the benefit of his movie, Dawson being rewarded with sex and high fives for forcing her to do it, CJ kissing his stalker, Audrey being blamed for almost getting raped, and Eddie joking about violence against women. Can I just declare this episode its own most cringeworthy moment and move on?

Drunkenness Rating

Six shots, including a few classic Euphemism Shots.

Season 6, Episode 14 “Clean and Sober”

By Janes

Yay, we’re entering Dawson’s Creek’s renaissance! (AKA, episodes where Joey and Pacey actually talk to each other.) Joey calls the giant TV the most “blatant display of capitalism [she’s] ever seen,” but then is all proud that Pacey has one of those ridiculous corporate jobs that’s basically just capitalism eating itself? Does she understand what capitalism is?

Whatever, I can ignore that, since what happens next is so adorable. She tells Pacey that he’s always been a “madcap genius just waiting for potential to kick in” and that she’s proud of him. While certain insecure, pretentious men would take this as condescension, they are currently sequestered away in California, and Pacey gracefully tells her that that “means a lot coming from [her].” They banter and flirt, Pacey tells her that she needs to come to the party because “it’s not a party without [her],” and Joey calls him “the same old lovable punk.” Pacey finishes off all this cuteness with a vintage longing look as Joey walks away:

GUYS.

Pacey continues to be adorable at the party, telling Joey right off the bat, “You look wonderful tonight” (to which she responds, “I thought it was time for a shower.” Ha! I relate to that so hard). When she’s all mopey about Eddie and wants to drink her sorrows away, he doesn’t shame her or even express surprise, but just tells her that she’s in a “safe space” and she can enjoy herself. All while calling her “Joayyy” (shot!). Ugh, P/J, how we’ve missed you!

It only gets better from there, because it’s the Return of Drunk Joey! She is in fine form this time around, not only doing her trademark hilarious facial expressions and open-mouthed laughter, but also spilling everyone’s secrets. She tells David that Jack used to be “shy” and “dorky” and that he got excited while she was sketching him for class (the good old days!), and then tells CJ that Jen “killed a girl once, you know.” HAHAHAHAHA.

Then Drunk Joey enters her sad drunk phase, and cries to Pacey in a bedroom about how she always inspires men so much that they leave town. Oh, cry me a river Joey. (Although, Katie Holmes’ crying is so good that she can even make this blatant humblebrag kind of sad.) Pacey says she’s an “amazing woman” (do we still take a shot if she actually is a woman now? Why not!) and she makes one of those drunk “jokes” about Pacey not being over her. When Pacey looks all awkward, she says she’s just repeating what Audrey said. Sure you were, Jo. Sure you were.

Drunk Joey then has a second wind and starts a Spin the Bottle game, which ends up surprisingly disgusting for such a tame game. Emma’s gross green card fiance licks Joey’s cheek, while Jen and CJ make up from a boring, nonsensical fight about his alcoholism by deciding to have sex in Pacey and Jack’s apartment. Um, gross! But then it’s all okay, because Pacey makes this face when Joey puckers up for her turn:

Their date with destiny is interrupted by Emma’s sexual harasser breaking the TV, but later, Pacey carries Drunk Joey into bed and tenderly tucks her in. I die a little bit. He calls her a “wise and lovely drunk” (true) and, in case it weren’t obvious to everyone, confesses that he is, in fact still hung up on her. Then she wakes up from her drunk sleep just enough to make out with him a little (!) and say, “Your turn.” I don’t know if the writers meant for this scene to be a giant reference to two of the most romantic moments in their relationship (Pacey watching Joey sleep and telling her that it’s her turn to kiss him), but I choose to believe that it is.

Then there’s this whole thing where Emma needs someone to green-card marry her, and it seems like a prime opportunity for the whole Pacey sexual tension to rear its ugly head again. But since Pacey has to get back together with Joey in T minus one episode (!), the writers nudge Jack towards a sham proposal instead. But then they don’t even have the guts to go down the beard/green card marriage road, which isn’t even real drama! EMMA. WHAT IS THE POINT OF YOU??

Back in LA, we get a delightful redux of our favorite opposite-gender friendship: Audrey and Dawson. No one is better at putting Dawson in his rightful place: at one point Dawson complains  that his movie (which is called “Wicked Dead,” because of course it is) is going straight to cable, and she just goes. “Yeah… I’m in rehab Dawson.” Hee! Take a shot for that awesomeness!

The reunion quickly takes a weird dark turn, however, when Dawson realizes that one of Audrey’s fellow alcoholics is a bad-ass producer (or, as Dawson so charmingly calls her, a “renowned harpy”). He immediately wants to ditch Audrey, the alcoholic friend he’s supposed to be supporting, in order to stalk this poor vulnerable producer. Audrey is rightfully offended at first, but then goes along with it, because she has depressingly severe self-esteem issues. He hijacks the entire visit with patheting networking attempts, even going so far as to violate the privacy of her group therapy session. It’s all pretty nauseating.

• Pacey waves goodbye to the TV as Joey drags him away and it’s hilarious. —Nerdy Spice
  
• Joey declares, “I’m going to check out the iPods.” Wow! Giant clunky CRT TV notwithstanding, Dawson’s has entered the modern era! —Nerdy Spice
• I’m vaguely annoyed by how all the boys are madly in love with this TV and all the girls are sourpusses about it. Hi, we love big TVs too!  —Nerdy Spice
• Jen promises to bring ice, “Ice which is for drinks, not for boys’ faces.” Heh! —Nerdy Spice
• “Please, for the love of Joey Potter, tell me that you brought me something to read,” Audrey says. So Joey is LITERALLY GOD now. —Nerdy Spice
• Speaking of God, Audrey complains that there’s nothing to read but the Bible, “although it was pretty cool the first time around.” Hee! (Shot!)
• Holy hell, Pacey just goes from zero to incredibly charming when Joey’s around. He tells her she looks wonderful as soon as he sees her at the party. No wonder she develops a sudden inexplicable desire to play Spin the Bottle! —Nerdy Spice
• Oh no, it’s started again. Every time Pacey and Joey talk to each other I tear up. I used to be tough. I used to be cynical. Now I watch this and I’m like a big marshmallow. —Nerdy Spice
• Emma’s fake fiance says Jack “doesn’t even seem all that gay.” Jack looks insulted, as he should, but I’m actually sort of surprised he didn’t just consider it a compliment.
• Jen and CJ are supposed to be happy when they get each other for Spin the Bottle, but they have the least chemistry of anyone, even Emma and Jack, who’s supposed to be gay.
• Speaking of which, Kerr Smith is playing this whole storyline really weirdly. He’s acting all nervous and breathless around Emma like he’s secretly in love with her, and has a weird amount of chemistry with her when they kiss during Spin the Bottle. Do you think the writers were thinking about just giving up on Kerr Smith ever learning to convincingly kiss guys and just turning Jack straight again?
• Ugh, I hate how CJ is all annoyed that Jen was upset when she thought he was drinking again. That’s just kind of unrealistic, like, OF COURSE she would be upset?!  —Nerdy Spice

Highlight:

Of course, everything between Pacey and Joey this episode is a treasure, but the edge goes to Drunk Joey. When Jen finds out that Joey said she killed Abby Morgan, she jokes during Spin the Bottle, “I’ve killed before, you know,” and Joey answers, completely serious, “I know.” Hee!!

Most cringeworthy moment:

Literally five minutes after he asks the producer to look at his reel during group therapy, Audrey tells Dawson, “You seem a little less self-absorbed than when you got here.” It’s been a while, but take a shot for that wildly undeserved compliment!

Drunkenness level:

Six, just shy of attacking-hunky-ex-boyfriend levels.

Season 6, Episode 15 “Castaways”

By Nerdy Spice

This bottle episode, in which Pacey and Joey get locked in a K-Mart overnight and start to renew their relationship, is a classic. It’s a big deal for Pacey and Joey’s arc, of course, but it’s also memorable and touching and funny, and it doesn’t hurt that Dawson’s giant ego doesn’t get a single frame of screentime.

The set-up: Pacey and Joey are on a fake date at yet another fancy corporate event Pacey has to attend. Pacey meets a cute blonde girl who is both hot for him and totally cool playing along with his transparent lie that Joey is his sister–so basically, the perfect woman. The two arrange to meet up later for a one-night stand, so Pacey takes the impatient Joey home–but stops on the way to buy condoms at a K-Mart. Unfortunately, Joey’s tiny bladder causes them to get locked in while they’re at the restrooms in the back.

They kick the night off with a fight while they’re on hold with the police department, when Joey finds Pacey’s condoms in his coat. She gets judgmental about his plan to meet up for his booty call. But it’s definitely not jealousy, oh no! This has NOTHING to do with the fact that she’s been flirting like crazy with him since the moment Eddie was out of her sight! Like, look at her demanding that he accompany her to the bathroom just a few minutes ago, grabbing his hand like it ain’t no thang:

The fight quickly accelerates as Pacey suddenly gets very bitter that Joey isn’t as jealous of him as she is of Dawson. Joey’s confused at first, but finally she gets it, and as Pacey stares sheepishly at the ground, she says, “Pacey, we broke up. We moved on. Was I supposed to spend the rest of my life feeling miserable about the way things ended between us?” Poor Pacey not only says yes but brings up her inordinate mourning periods for Dawson, which is both very understandable and very very poor form. If you dump someone you don’t get to complain about their lack of grief! You gotta keep that to yourself! Joey clearly agrees with me: “I’m sorry I didn’t dash myself into a thousand pieces when YOU broke up with ME, but you know what, life goes on!” YOU GO GIRL.

The proceedings are interrupted by the police dispatchers calling back to confirm that they’re not going to be showing up to rescue two people who are locked into a well-stocked K-Mart.

Joey goes off on her own, only to be paged by Pacey to the video section so she can receive an apology from not one, but dozens of Paceys being live-broadcast to the TV display. It’s tough to stay mad in a situation like that, and Joey promptly melts. It doesn’t hurt that Pacey gives her a cute flannel pajama suit and slippers and promises to do one thing for her that he doesn’t want to do.

The solution is obvious: Joey will make Pacey shave “that thing on your face.” Pacey resists, which leads to more adorable flirtatious roughhousing as Joey–still in her heels–chases Pacey around with the razor and shaving cream. She finally catches him by using his knight-in-shining-armor complex against him, pretending to trip and fall. But when he explains to her that his beard is some kind of good-luck charm she relents.

Instead of shaving, they decide to play Battleship. For some reason this makes Joey philosophical, and she asks Pacey if he’s happy. He wiggles out of answering, and it transpires that she’s happy–she’s ready for the unknown. For some reason–probably that he’s doing a bad job of hiding his insane jealousy–Pacey asserts that this means Joey really liked “that guy.” Joey literally doesn’t even know what he’s talking about: “That guy?” “Yeah,” Pacey has to clarify. “That Eddie guy.” I mean, we already knew this from how insanely flirtatious Joey was being, but wow, Eddie is TOAST.

Next, the kids make nachos and watch the movie adaptation of the book Joey’s supposed to be reading for Hetson’s class, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. This gives Joey a great excuse to do that thing where you’re watching a movie with someone you’re into and you sneakily lean closer and closer so your arms touch:

She’s about thirty seconds away from pulling the old yawn-and-put-your-arm-around-him trick.

Finally Pacey agrees to be shaved and Joey is up for the job. There follows the cutest montage ever: a classic Dawson’s-style female folk-pop singer croons in the background, Joey sits practically in Pacey’s lap to shave him, and she’s all cute smiles while he rests his hands on her legs and stares with silent longing into her eyes. My heart can’t take it. It’s just too cute.

Finally she finishes and says softly, “Hello chin! You’re back.” He says softly, “I was never really gone,” and after a long, long moment, he kisses her.

Hold on a second while I just rewatch that about five times…

OK I’m back.

Anyway, Pacey says that when Joey wanted to be surprised by the future, maybe this is the surprise. Then he confesses that he wants to kiss her all the time, but he can’t explain much more than that. Joey is confused–but not too confused to grab his arms while he continues to rest his hands on her legs, so that they’re sweetly holding each other while they have this conversation. Finally he says, “What I know is… you and I were one of the few things, perhaps the only thing, that ever made total and complete sense in my life,” and concludes softly, “That’s what I know.”

Joey (still, I note, sitting with her face about two inches from Pacey’s) doesn’t know what to say  asks to sleep on it. So they set up two sleeping bags, next to a conveniently romantic display of plants wrapped in twinkle lights. Joey quickly loses interest in this chaste sleeping arrangement; after confessing that she used to daydream about being cast away on an island with Pacey, she slides right on over into his sleeping bag and kisses him. She claims that she’s cold, but adds, “And I miss you, Pace.” But she’s not there to have sex, oh no, because Joey isn’t the kind of girl to sleep with a guy she’s only known for eighteen years! What is she, an animal? They just fall asleep in each other’s arms.

When they wake up, a kid clerk who already caught Pacey shopping for condoms is very impressed that Pacey apparently decided to use them in the store. Joey saucily claims, “We just sleep together from time to time.” I like that this is supposed to show how saucy Joey is now, but like, she was locked in a K-Mart all night with her high school sweetheart giving her the Goopy Gaze Of Undying Love and she didn’t sleep with him, so… she’s possibly the least saucy person ever! They leave the store, and Pacey buys all the stuff they used, saying, “It’s a small price to pay for a dream come true.”

Indeed.

• I could pretty much recap this episode word for word from memory. That’s how much I love to rewatch it. But of course I didn’t because that would have robbed me of the transcendent joy of watching my favorite couple flirt and talk for forty minutes.
• The blonde woman’s elbows are pretty clearly resting on the table, so it’s quite amazing that her right hand is wrapped around Pacey’s thigh in the next shot. Maybe she’s double-jointed. Or three-armed.
• Joey “threatens” to out Pacey as not being her brother by “giv[ing] you the tongue-kissing of your life.” Way to come up with yet another flimsy justification to kiss Pacey, Joey Potter.
• OMG, remember how amazing it was the first time you felt a seat-warmer?? –Janes
• Pacey asks Joey, “How could you possibly have to go to the bathroom? Two minutes ago you didn’t even want to stop.” Pace, have you never MET a woman before? We ALWAYS have to pee. Oh wait… is that just me?
• Joey complains that her coat is just for looks and doesn’t keep her warm, which I posit is  a pretext for getting Pacey to lend her his. I mean, what kind of broke college student has a coat specifically for fancy events that doens’t keep her warm? Especially a college student who lives in Boston? She obviously just wants to get Pacey to put his arms around her:
  
  
• Joey gets very offended that Pacey doesn’t want to talk about sex with her. He asks pointedly if she wants to talk about sex with him, and she responds with unusual self-awareness, “Well, no, but I usually don’t want to talk about sex with anyone.” Shot for Joey being scared of sex!
• Pacey says of sex, “I may be having it, you maybe thinking about having it…” Heh.
• Joey snaps, “I’m sorry I didn’t dash myself into a thousand pieces when you broke up with me…” FINALLY, someone gets that straight. –Janes
• We’re whipping out an old drinking game rule–shot for every time Joey or Pacey inappropriately mentions Dawson–three times in short succession here: Joey inappropriately mentions having sex with Dawson. Then, Joey is shocked that Pacey wants them to preserve their friendship by not talking about sex, and gets all offended when Pacey says, “Worked for you and Dawson.” Finally, Pacey mutters that he’s “not asking for the lifetime you’ve devoted to feeling bad about Dawson.” OOOHHH you did not just go there!
• “I can never win, can I? I guess I can’t. It’s kind of like taking my head and beating it up against a rock. I mean who had more sex, who was with who longer, isn’t there some kind of boy calculus you can use to figure out who won and just leave me out of it?” Joey complains. Yeah, like you don’t LOVE having two handsome boys fighting over you for years at a time. Not that I’m judging… girl’s only human.
• Pacey tries to backtrack, saying that he only promised to do something that would help Joey (which is false). But Joey argues, “Believe me, if I don’t have to look at that thing on your face anymore I will consider myself helped.” Shot for mentioning Pacey’s beard! And Joey’s look of unutterable disdain is priceless!
• The one scene in this episode that not only doesn’t ring true but actively confuses me–like to the extent that I often find myself thinking about it at random times of the day, like on days when I’m not even watching this show–is a little exchange Joey and Pacey have while making themselves yucky microwave nachos before the movie. Pacey, who’s behind the counter, says he thinks he’s found his calling. “Jerk?” Joey sasses. Pacey is silent. “I meant soda,” she says. “I know what you meant, it just really wasn’t all that funny,” Pacey says. For some reason I am always puzzled by that whole thing. Why does this scene exist? What’s it supposed to show? Is Pacey actually offended? Why does it get so awkward all of a sudden for like five seconds? What is happening?
• Pacey suggests raiding the candy aisle and Joey protests that they’ll rot their teeth. Joey Potter! When Pacey is offering to get you candy, just say yes! Ugh, shot for Joey hating fun.
• Pacey would’ve been great at college: he tells Joey to just “throw the word postmodern and subjectivity in the same sentence” and she’ll be fine.
• When Pacey admits that he’s been feeling “more than friendly” towards Joey, she says, “And the only way you could express that was to pick a fight with me.” Oh hey, toxic masculinity!

Highlight:

Impossible to pick! Just as episode 13 was pretty much one long cringeworthy moment, this episode is one long highlight… of the season and, let’s be real, of my life. But if I had to pick, the Shaving Montage, followed immediately by The Kiss, would win.

Most cringeworthy moment:

Well, there’s one really egregiously inappropriate mention of sex from Joey (“Just because I’ve never done something before doesn’t mean I won’t be good at it. I was good at sex, wasn’t I?”) Shot!

Drunkenness rating:

Eight, including at least one other mention of “that thing on your face.”

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