The Great Dawson’s Creek Rewatch: Season 1, Episodes 1-3

We’re rewatching all of Dawson’s Creek in honor of its twentieth anniversary. Will require some mind-numbing. Drinking game rules can be found here.

Season 1, Episode 1: “Pilot”

By Nerdy Spice

DC 101 walking

Here we are, you guys! Right here in Capeside, Massachusetts. The pilot opens in Dawson’s sexless bed watching the greatest sexless couple of all time watch ET for the bajillionth time. Also featured in this scene is Dawson’s big-haired cheatin’ momma on the evening news.

Anyway, this episode’s big theme is that People Evolve. Joey and Dawson, Soulmates Emeritus, have been having same-bed sleepovers every Friday night for years, but Joey suddenly develops qualms because, you know, puberty, and it’s weird. Can they maintain their creepy and codependent friendship even now that they’re growing up? Continue reading →

The Great Dawson’s Creek Rewatch: Kickoff

Almost exactly twenty years ago, in January 1998, a fifteen-year-old girl played by a nineteen-year-old woman climbed into the bed of a fifteen-year-old boy played by a twenty-three-year-old man, and history was made.

Dawson’s Creek became a cliché of itself almost immediately and set the standard for every teen drama that came after it: constant navel-gazing about sex and growing up; supposedly “precocious” kids who were constantly using five-dollar words… wrongly; meta-references to John Hughes and the other cornerstones of pop culture; and the love triangle to end all love triangles. (Side note: Recapping Dawson’s Creek was also the pastime that brought Mighty Big TV, which would become TWoP, into being; and the now-defunct TWoP’s snarky blow-by-blow recaps were a huge part of the inspiration for this blog.)

In honor of this milestone anniversary, we are going to be rewatching every single episode of Dawson’s Creek, rediscovering the magic and the madness of this era-defining show. The hairstyles! The J. Crew clothes! The well-chosen folk music! The network-appropriate sexual euphemisms! And of course, the time Dawson made this face and changed the future of internet culture:

DC crying

Naturally, such an exercise in nostalgia with such an easily mockable show calls for a (virtual, not-at-all-real) drinking game. Rules may be redefined as we get to later seasons, but so far, the rule card is as follows:

  • 1 shot every time Joey mentions growing up.
  • 5 shots every time Joey talks about things “changing” or “evolving.”
  • 1 shot every time Dawson or Joey calls their relationship “complicated.”
  • 1 shot every time Dawson or Joey uses the word “soulmates.”
  • 20 shots every time Dawson or Joey uses the phrase “inextricably intertwined.”
  • 1 shot every time Jack looks grossed out after kissing another dude.
  • 1 shot every time Pacey complains about being the black sheep of his family.
  • 1 shot for literary and movie references that are annoyingly on the nose, 5 for literary references that are clearly supposed to be on the nose and yet make NO DAMN SENSE AT ALL.
  • 1 shot for meta-movie references, 10 if that movie was made by Kevin Williamson.
  • 1 shot for every Freud reference, 2 if it’s completely incorrect.
  • 1 shot for every delusional discussion of the fact that Dawson is a nice guy.
  • 20 shots for every mention of the fact that Dawson has a heart or that it’s beating.
  • 1 shot every time Jen gets on her high horse about being an atheist.
  • 1 shot for every Jen Lindley pity party
  • 1 shot for anyone slut-shaming Jen when she hasn’t had sex for 5 or more episodes
  • 1 shot every time someone gratuitously brings up sex. 2 if they do it while claiming to hope that no one else will bring up sex.
  • 1 shot every time the writers come up with ridiculous words for sexual acts to get past the network censors.
  • 1 shot every time Dawson pulls out his camera at an extremely inappropriate moment.
  • 1 shot every time Joey plays the dead-mom card.
  • 2 shots for every time Joey expresses abject terror at the thought of having sex (been there, sister)
  • 1 shot every time Dawson’s hair is gag-worthy, even for the 90s.

We’ll be watching three episodes a week and posting every Monday. Join us if you too wish to re-live the nausea-inducing, multisyllabic, never-very-wacky hijinks of the Capeside Four: Joey, Dawson, Pacey, and poor neglected Jen. We will also be liberally referencing old fandom in-jokes, so be aware that some of our turns of phrase owe their existence to TWoP and the first generation of fans, as well. Happy 2018!

Rules updated for season 2: 

Dawson’s Creek Drinking Game Rules: An Update

Rules updated for season 3:

  • One shot every time Dawson gets called a “hero.”
  • One shot every time men blame women for their problems.
  • One shot every time Pacey refers to Joey as a woman or “Joay.”
  • One shot every time Pacey And Joey Ruined Everything.

Rules updated for season 4:

  • Joey or Pacey inappropriately mentions Dawson.
  • Completely inaccurate interpretations of “feminism” and “girl power” or completely unreasonable instances of women getting mad at men in some vaguely “men are dogs” way.
  • Every time they mention “last spring” in hushed, reverent tones.
  • Every time Jack stands up for the misogynistic straight guys who treat his female friends like crap.
  • Every time Jen tries to make out with someone extremely inappropriate.

Rules updated for season 5:

  • Every time Audrey is the MVP of a scene
  • Every time someone assumes that Audrey having sex means that she’s stupid
  • Every time Joey or Dawson says a Grand Goodbye to the other.
  • Every time Joey hates fun.
  • Every time people talk about Chad Michael Murray being hot.
  • Every time Chad Michael Murray pretends to be sensitive.
  • Every time Professor Creeper negs Joey.
  • Every time the characters blatantly rewrite history and/or forget that Pacey and Joey ever dated.

Rules updated for season 6:

  • Every time Professor Hedson negs Joey
  • Every time Eddie negs Joey
  • Every time Nerdy Spice melts down in Pacey-Joey shipper rage like she’s twelve years old.
  • Every mention of Pacey’s facial hair.
  • Every time Pacey suddenly becomes a misogynist.
  • Every time Dawson and Joey talk about how much they Hurt Each Other.

First installment here.

Sam and Claudia check themselves out in the mirror, Claudia in a fancy pink dress and earrings and Sam in a leopard-print jacket.

Dynasty Recap: 1×06 “I Exist Only For Me”

 

Previously on Dynasty: The same clips of Fallon wanting the COO job and Cristal getting it; Fallon declared that she’s building the company with Jeff on her own; Jeff said he needed to rethink the company with Fallon; Fallon leaked Cristal’s sex tape and got kicked out of Blake’s house; Kori Rucks, a councilwoman, slept with Michael; Claudia publicly accused Blake of killing Matthew; Cristal apologized to Claudia but Blake ran over Claudia just as she was about to bean Cristal with a cement block.

Continue reading →

A group of women, including Fallon and Cristal, pose for a photo.

Dynasty Recap: 1×05 “Company Slut”

Previously on Dynasty: Cristal got the COO job Fallon wanted; Fallon decided to start a new company with Jeff; Fallon told an obnoxious dude named Robbie Reed that Michael was her boyfriend but told Monica that was just a lie to get rid of Robbie, and Michael overheard her; Michael slept with Kori Rucks, the city councilwoman who had refused a contract to Fallon; Steven tried to help Sam only to learn that he orchestrated a robbery; Cristal and Blake offered to pay for Cristal’s dead, married ex-boyfriend’s funeral and his sad wife Claudia accepted; Cristal and Matthew’s sex tape was a huge hit on the internet and Claudia saw it.

Continue reading →

Two women (Fallon and Kori Rucks) sitting across from each other at a huge conference table in front of the seal of the city of Atlanta.

Dynasty Recap: 1×04 “Private as a Circus”

Previously on Dynasty: Cristal became COO of Carrington Atlantic, so Fallon decided to be CEO of Carrington Windbriar, backed by Jeff. Blake brought Matthew by the house to mess with Cristal, but then Matthew died, and Cristal was all sad. Steven got arrested for Matthew’s death. Cristal didn’t want to tell Blake that she had a bad past in Mexico, so Sammy Joe just orchestrated a robbery to get money for Cristal’s sister back in Mexico. But he didn’t realize Blake had Matthew’s stolen phone, which went missing in the robbery, and the stuff on that phone could “ruin the Carrington name.”

Continue reading →

Dynasty Recap: 1×03 “Guilt is for Insecure People”

Previously on Dynasty: Fallon thought she deserved to run her dad’s company, but he offered the COO position to his new fiancee, Cristal. So Fallon teamed up with this guy Jeff to form a company called Carrington Windbriar. Cristal’s nephew Sammy Joe declared her the “black sheep” of the family, and Cranky Butler had dirt on her but we don’t know what it is. Finally, Cristal’s married ex-lover died at Windbriar and Steven got arrested for it.

Continue reading →

Fallon descends stairs wearing a bright red dress and red stilettos

Dynasty Recap: 1×02 “Spit It Out”

Previously on Dynasty: The Carringtons are super rich; Fallon Carrington’s father Blake got engaged to Cristal; Cristal had a married ex-boyfriend, a mischievous nephew named Sammy Joe who made out with Fallon’s brother Steven Carrington, and a dark secret that Cranky Butler totally knows, but we don’t. Cristal got the COO position that Fallon wanted, so Fallon got a guy named Jeff to back her as the CEO of a different company, Carrington Windbriar. Then Cristal’s married ex got blown up and squished by a windmill blade at Windbriar, and his wife thought Blake did it.

Continue reading →

Woman in dumb white pantsuit (Cristal) swaying on a petal-strewn wedding aisle. Two bridesmaids in pale pink behind her.

Dynasty Recap: 1×01 “I Hardly Recognized You”

The first people to appear onscreen in the series premiere of Dynasty, Josh Schwartz’s modernized remake of the classic show, are the Trumps: Donald, Ivanka, Tiffany, Trump Junior, and Eric are at a ribbon cutting ceremony. This is followed by a shot of the Kardashians.

I take this as a declaration of intent: Like Gossip Girl and The OC before it, the latest Josh Schwartz creation is going to be about rich people. But this time it’s not those quiet, repressed, Emily Gilmore-type rich people who seem to throw big parties precisely in order to avoid having scenes. These are rich people who throw parties in order to have more witnesses when they do make a scene. These are rich people for the age of reality TV! We aren’t on the Upper East Side anymore, baby.

Continue reading →