Belle, in a golden ballgown, and the Beast, in a blue tux thing, dance in a large ballroom. 2D animation.

The Actual Top 60 Disney Songs, Ranked Very Objectively By Us

So recently The Ringer made a list of the top 40 Disney songs* and naturally we were completely incensed by it. Both Keets and I immediately responded, about five minutes apart, by saying, “I Won’t Say (I’m In Love) is #36? I’m mad already,” almost word-for-word.

Naturally, we needed to rectify this and provide the internet with a better list. And by “better,” we mean that we here at Adversion agree with it. Whatever else, you can rest assured that Megara’s fabulous song about not wanting to be in love is way higher than #36.

To complete our extremely scientific ranking, we each ranked the songs on this list from 1 to 60 and then sorted the total scores, lowest to highest. Whoever liked the song the most got to write about it.

* (OK, it was a few months ago… we’re behind on posting, OK?)

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Oscars 2019: Who Will Win, Who Should Win

 

It’s time for the Oscars again! And wow, is it a weird race this year. On the one hand, we have a genre movie like Black Panther, which is more than deserving but would never have gotten nominated a few years ago, and Roma, an arthouse darling by an auteur director that would be a lock for Best Picture/Director if the movie industry weren’t so angry at Netflix. And then we have the old standbys–a retrograde racial reconciliation fantasy, a couple of mediocre biopics, and the requisite movie-about-show-business that the Academy historically loves. So who knows?

We got every major category correct last year, but it was also a much more standard and predictable race. So here are our predictions–and our choices–but honestly, it’s anyone’s game at this point.

PSA: Similar to last year—when I watched all the nominees except Dunkirk—I have not watched Vice. I hold a real grudge against Adam Mckay after the Margot Robbie bathtub scene in The Big Short, and I am not overly impressed by prosthetic makeup, so I don’t think it would change anything. Continue reading →

Outside middle-distance shot of a long-haired man holding a trident and wearing a vest, leather wrist cuffs, and a large necklace; next to a woman in a bright read wig and a very low-cut sparkly suit.

What just happened? Some Thoughts After Watching the First Two Hours and Fifteen Minutes of Aquaman

What just happened? No, seriously, what did I just watch?

Ostensibly, Aquaman is a movie where Jason Momoa plays Arthur, the half-merperson king of the underwater kingdom of Atlantis, who must go back to Atlantis to be its king and battle his half-brother Orm for control of the underwater kingdoms with the help of a magic trident. But this makes it sound like this movie in any way makes sense or has a reason for existing, which, as far as I could tell, it does not.

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26 Reasons Why You’ve Got Mail Has Aged Well

You’ve Got Mail came out on December 18, 1998–twenty years ago today. Having just finished a rewatch of Dawson’s Creek that could probably be subtitled, “This didn’t age so well,” we can’t help but notice that rewatching You’ve Got Mail (which I do at least twice a year, if not more) is the exact opposite experience.

For those who aren’t familiar, You’ve Got Mail is about Kathleen Kelly, the owner of an independent bookstore on the Upper West Side, and Joe Fox, the heir of a corporate fortune earned by his father, who is basically the CEO of a fictional version of Barnes and Noble. Each of them has a secret Internet pen pal that they’re in love with–not realizing that their beloved pen pal is their sworn professional enemy.

Sure, the men are all wearing wide ties and baggy pants, and the technology is hilarious–our star-crossed pair have plenty of time to cool their heels to the sound of a beeping dialup before they connect to the internet. And yeah, in the Year of Our Wokeness 2018, it’s not GREAT that Tom Hanks totally tricks Meg Ryan into telling him stuff about her relationship with his online catfish persona. But come on. This movie is the Gabrielle Union of romantic comedies. It will never grow old. So Janes and I collected 26 reasons why we still love this movie to death.

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Adventures in Moviepass: Hereditary, Leave No Trace, American Animals, First Reformed

So, you’re totally not going to believe that this isn’t a sponsored post, but Moviepass kind of changed my life. I had all but stopped going to movies in the theaters, even though it’s one of my favorite activities, because of the exorbitant prices in New York City. But now, I see movies every chance I get, and I finally get to be up with the zeitgeist again.

In this series, I will review all of the movies I saw in the last month or two with this game-changing app (yes, I realize I sound like a Wired advertorial, but it’s just true!!), and give them a letter grade. Here they are, in ascending order:

American Animals

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If nothing else, American Animals has a wild true story going for it. Continue reading →