Eight Genres of Garbage Polemic About Taylor Swift

Cultural criticism is great, isn’t it? There are so many really smart pieces of longform writing floating around that present nuanced, enlightening discussions of our response to successful female businesswomen, the nature of celebrity, white feminine victimhood, the commercialization of feminism, the line between country and pop music, the role of authorial intent in interpreting art, the reasons why the colonialist fantasy of Africa as a giant theme park empty of humans still persists so strongly in the American imagination, and many other interesting issues as they relate to Taylor Swift.

WAIT JUST KIDDING. Some days it seems like the entire Internet is actually a Dumpster full of faux-intellectual schlock that stakes out a narrow yet vehement, take-no-prisoners position on Taylor Swift because somebody had a deadline that day and, well, Taylor was there. Here’s a tour of the trash heap.

  1. “I Hate Taylor Swift Because She Makes Too Many Friends Too Quickly”
    Author: Someone who is going to spend a lot of time deeply straining to tie this concept to a larger social issue.
  2. “I Hate Taylor Swift Because She Got Into a Fight With Katy Perry”
    Author: Someone who is probably too invested in… everyone.
  3. “I Hate Taylor Swift Because She Cares Too Much What We Think”
    Author: Someone who is rather endearingly self-contradictory.
  4. “It Is Inherently Sexist to Criticize Anything About Taylor Swift, A Woman”
    Author: Someone who woefully misunderstands feminism.
  5. “I Hate Taylor Swift Because She Causes Too Much Drama”
    Author: Someone who actually is kind of sexist.
  6. “Taylor Swift Is Very Talented And Here Are Some Extraneous Details About What Her Body Looks Like, No But I Really Respect Her Though”
    Author: A middle-aged man writing for a supposedly brainy culture mag
  7. “All Of You Are Bad Feminists Because You Aren’t On Kanye’s Side In All Of This”
    Author: Someone who’s never had to actually deal with Kanye West personally, I’m guessing.
  8. “All Of You Are Bad Feminists Because You Haven’t Written Any Articles About Taylor Swift’s Groping Case”
    Author: Someone who has also not written any actual articles about Taylor Swift’s groping case.

 

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