We’re rewatching all of Dawson’s Creek in honor of its twentieth anniversary. Will require some mind-numbing. Drinking game rules can be found here.

Season 6, Episode 19 “Lovelines”

By Nerdy Spice

This episode is a classic example of that terrible TV phenomenon: “Whoops, we ran out of storylines two episodes before the finale, so we’re going to stick a throwaway episode in here and hope no one notices.” It is pointless, contains a boatload of offensive jokes, and doesn’t have Pacey (or Dawson) in it, so basically, it should not exist.

The conceit is that Jen’s college is putting on a fundraiser for the counseling center, where Jen gets to host Dr. Drew and Adam Carolla (who’s yet another gross, sexist, bro-y dude in this season’s long parade of such dudes), who are apparently from an MTV call-in advice show. This, of course, gives our crew a chance to work out all their issues.

Jen and CJ’s issue is that Jen has decided to act like a psychotic asshole again and dump CJ very suddenly in the middle of the day with no warning. Joey and Eddie’s issue is that they aren’t having sex–and that Eddie is putting serious psychological pressure on Joey to get in her pants. Of course, Eddie’s attempts to talk about it just make Joey uncomfortable (shot for Joey being afraid of sex!) even before he starts turning legitimately coercive. For their part, Jack and David’s problem is pretty boring: Jack is flirting with a cute boy. And Audrey’s issue is that she’s in love with Dr. Drew.

Jen is terrified that the event will be awkward and no one will ask questions. When the event starts, Jen acts like she’s never been on camera before, and surprise surprise, it’s very awkward and no one asks questions. Finally CJ asks why a girl would dump him like a sack of potatoes after a relationship with “no problems” (um, see EVERY EPISODE YOU’VE EVER BEEN IN for a laundry list of stupid but noticeable problems in your relationship). Adam deems her a headcase, so Jen rudely tells him that CJ didn’t pay to listen to his underqualified advice, and forces the event to move on, even though CJ was the only person willing to save her event by asking a question.

Next up are Eddie and Joey, who get hauled up to the stage because Eddie starts outright yelling at Joey in the middle of the event. (The worst part? When she asks him quietly to please shut up, he tells her not to tell him to shut up “in front of all these people”–who can only hear him yelling at her, not her quietly standing up for herself! Run, Joey. RUN.) Eddie accuses Joey of being a “phony,” because of course he thinks he’s Holden Caulfield. But even the sleazy Adam Carolla sees right through Eddie’s sob story and says he abandoned Joey twice, so of course she “cut him off.” Joey’s happy with that, but when they ask her if she’s on any medication or by any chance was abandoned by her father, she gets insulted and demands a new question.

David takes this opportunity to leap to his feet and ask what he should do about his boyfriend openly flirting in front of him. Oh, take a chill pill, David. Jen gives a limp attempt at defending Jack. Adam’s response? “You gotta dump this guy, and I’m not saying this because he’s a gay.” Uh, OK.

Here to up the inappropriateness factor of the event is Audrey, who I guess has pushed her way to the front of the queue to ask anonymous questions from behind some kind of screen (it’s not really explained). Audrey, standing in profile so as to better show off her curves, introduces herself as “five-seven, with a great rack,” throws in some genuine musing about her alcohol problem and the loyal friends who helped her, and then goes back to her real question: “How would you like to go back to my dorm room and play a little game I like to call Dirty Doctor and Naughty Nurse?” Hee! Audrey wins the scene — shot!

CJ decides to kill the fun by interrupting and demanding Jen’s feminine expertise on his stupid hypothetical question. Dr. Phil agrees: let Jen give everyone a sample of what they’ll get if they call the helpline! Jen, cornered, says the girl is confused and has a lot on her plate. When Adam and Drew figure out that Jen actually is “the headcase,” things devolve into chaos, with Audrey talking about her underwear and Eddie airing all of Joey’s dirty laundry. Finally Jen storms offstage, because she is completely unprofessional and incapable of living up to her responsibilities, and hands the mic to Audrey.

It’s actually a great choice, because Audrey brings a different vibe to the event (namely, a fun vibe as opposed to the vibe of This Sucks And I Might Punch You In The Face If You Raise Your Hand Right Now that Jen was giving off). Everyone starts asking a bunch of sex questions. We are treated, luckily, to only the beginning of each of Adam Carolla’s gross sex jokes (I’m counting at least three shots for sexual euphemisms including a “pop goes the weasel” reference, something incredibly offensive about little people, and Audrey ranting about waxing). Audrey brings the event to a close with a charming line about calling the helpline with your problems, only to find that Dr. Phil is gone. Aww.

Joey and Eddie run into Adam Carolla after the event, and Adam–after a completely inappropriate mention of masturbation (shot!)–cuts to the chase: “You would be with this guy if you thought you could trust him, right?” After an incredibly long pause Joey says yes. Adam leaves, satisfied with his day’s work–and Eddie starts right in on pressuring Joey for sex again. His argument? That since he can’t say anything to make her trust him, she just has to … decide to trust him. (In other words, since him waiting for sex is not an option, he doesn’t have to worry about actually earning her trust because that would take longer than thirty seconds.) Joey, who’s been worn down by all his bullying, apparently agrees, so she takes him back to her room. Ugh, Joey! Haven’t you been paying any attention in college? That argument was completely illogical!

For their part, Jack and David have a big fight after the show because Jack refuses to apologize and David refuses to admit that he’s threatening to break up with Jack. It’s mostly Jack’s fault, but David is acting sort of deranged too.

Jen finds CJ after the show and begs him for help. Little late for that, Jen! Unfortunately for him, though, CJ is a giant sucker, so he sticks around to hear Jen’s not-particularly-sweet declaration that she made a mistake and has self-destructive impulses (shocker). There’s also something about how Jen thinks that if something is bothering her, CJ will run away, but he says he won’t and that’s what the whole boyfriend thing is all about. I don’t know if CJ should be rewarding Jen’s cumulative record of horrible behavior by promising to stick around no matter what shit she throws at him, but OK, let’s go along with this hypothesis that Jen is just a nice girl with trust issues. She finally admits her Grams is sick, and they make up. (Actually, what she says is that she had “one freakout,” and is that OK?, and he says yes. Umm, ONE freakout? You literally freak out every week. CJ probably doesn’t even know what you’d be like if you WEREN’T freaking out.)

Audrey sticks around hoping to get some “personal facetime” with Dr. Drew. He catches her grumbling to herself over the fact that her ride ditched her (Eddie and Joey, who went off to have the unearned sex Eddie wants so badly). She unexpectedly tells him that the whole rehab thing really did happen, and that it was hard to face herself, but that she listened to his advice show every night while in rehab, and it made her feel less alone. She thanks him, and she even gets a ride from him.

Aww. What a nice forty-minute commercial for Dr. Drew’s show!

• Eddie asks Joey, “Why don’t you want to get with me?” Wow, how could any girl resist?
• I like to think Joey’s not putting out because she’s realized what a hilariously giant mistake she made dumping Pacey for her moody, self-centered ex.
• Ian Ziering, who Eddie thinks is the “thinking girl’s dream,” was apparently on 90210. I love seeing Joey and Audrey giggle condescendingly at Eddie’s guess at who a “thinking girl’s dream” would be. Then Eddie gets them back by asking, “What’s MTV?” Hee.
• Audrey: “Where the hell have I been? Oh, right. In rehab.” Hee! Shot for Audrey winning the scene.
• “She’s baaaaaack,” Joey says of Audrey. Shot for that very very lame reference.
• CJ asks Jen if she wants a nightcap after the event that includes “cheap champagne.” Um… what?! Isn’t he sober?
• The song playing in the background just after Jen breaks up with CJ is by one of my favorite bands of my youth, Grey Eye Glances. They were only a thing for a hot second in the early aughts but they’re super great. Good call, soundtrack people!
• Eddie is actually making jokes in this episode and they’re even a little bit funny! At one point he surmises that he repulses Joey and goes sadly, “It’s OK. It’s happened to me before.” Joey asks worriedly, “Really?” and he yells, “NO!” in a very Hello, I’m Oliver Hudson, even straight guys would not turn me down! kind of way.
• Wow, talk about it being a mistake to dump Pacey for Eddie: when Joey leaves for her class, Audrey is trying to take a nap, but Eddie just stays behind after Joey’s gone eating pretzels on her bed. So to recap: the person who actually lives there is trying to sleep, no one invited him to stay, and not only he’s staying, he’s eating loud food, PLUS making crumbs on Joey’s bed?! Even Seth Rogen from a few episodes ago would have had more class than that! Jeez, Eddie.
• Eddie keeps pestering Joey about why she doesn’t want to “get with [him].” Ew. Usually, I would say Joey was a prude for asking him to stop talking about it, but seriously, way to say it in the most unpleasant way possible. (Shot for disturbing euphemisms!) –Janes
• Jen is terrified that no one will talk while she’s hosting because “at least at the helpline, I can just hang up on them.” Worst. Counselor. Ever. –Janes
• Audrey tries to save the awkward silence by asking a question, only to be roundly ignored by Jen, then CJ raises his hand after even more agonizing silence, and Jen lectures him that it’s his job to field the questions. Jen, he is your ONLY option here. God. She sucks at this.
• When CJ tells Dr. Drew that he and Jen had “no problems” before she broke up with him, I literally laughed out loud. Seriously, has their relationship consisted of anything but problems?? –Janes
• I know I’m supposed to think Adam is just being a sexist blowhard when he says Jen is a “headcase” who will “take [CJ] down,” but he’s kind of… right? –Janes
• Audrey wins the episode with her gleeful “Oh yeah, absolutely!” reaction to Joey and Eddie being dragged on stage. Take a shot! –-Janes
• And again, with her hilarious puppy dog face while she’s begging Jen to call on her. She is on fire! (Shot!) –Janes
  
  
• As much as I like to think Eddie is capable of all terrible things, is there any indication that this pretentious, douchey character who waxes poetic about Kerouac and pretends not to know what MTV is would air his dirty laundry to Dr. Drew, Adam Corolla, and a bunch of college students? –Janes
• Even while CJ is asking his question, Audrey keeps standing in a sexy pose behind the screen. It’s pretty funny.
• Why are Joey and Eddie still sitting up on stage while everyone else asks their question? I know Joey Potter is the center of the universe but it does seem a little extreme.
• Jen calls CJ the “perfect living embodiment of everything I’ve ever wanted in a boyfriend… If I were to start a boy from scratch, this is what he would end up as.” Poor CJ. He really is a Manic Pixie Dream Boy. –Janes
• “Joey’s dad did some time in the big house,” Eddie interjects at an inappropriate moment, which made me giggle way too much. He’s a funny dude! Gross and sexist, but funny.
• This “Dr. Drew answers embarrassing sex questions” montage is suuuuuuper long. –Janes

Highlight:

Definitely Audrey preening behind the screen throughout the entire middle of the Lovelines event.

Most cringeworthy moment:

Jen’s reunion with CJ features even more asshole behavior from Jen. Case in point: She decides to do a “bit” where she calls the helpline on her handphone. Here is the ACTUAL DIALOGUE:

Jen: Ring, ring!
CJ: Hello?
Jen: Hi, is this the helpline?
CJ: Yes.
Jen: Cause you didn’t say helpline when you answered.
CJ: Hello, helpline.
Jen: Uh, who am I speaking with? Because you didn’t give me your name either.
CJ: Hello, helpline, this is CJ. Do you have a crisis?

So, to recap, she forces him into this stupid bit, and then criticizes him for how he participates. MULTIPLE TIMES. So rude. I wish CJ had just hung up on her and run away.

Drunkenness rating:

Eleven, almost entirely due to Audrey rocking and Adam Carolla sucking.

Season Six, Episode 20 “Catch 22”

By Janes

Can we just appreciate the fact that Eddie spent the entire last episode convincing Joey to trust him, and then promptly dumps her exactly one episode later? What a prince.

To his credit, he manages to be nice to Joey for like, five whole minutes this episode. He helps her prepare for Hetson’s final while they both constantly joke about how his penis made her late that one time. Har, har.

But then, he announces that he wants to whisk her away to Europe, so that she can finally stop talking about Paris and actually go. Which sounds great, actually, but leave it to Eddie to make this incredibly romantic proposition and still manage to be an enormous douche about it. She makes a completely innocent–and practical!–suggestion to work for a month or two before they go, so they’re not completely broke when they get back. She never once says that they shouldn’t go, but he throws a gigantic tantrum and accuses her of “not really wanting to do this.” He basically pouts and issues a “now or never” type of ultimatum, and then has the gall to accuse her of only wanting to do the trip “on [her] terms.” Um, is he fucking SERIOUS??

He does some mansplaining, first about “growing up,” which apparently means ignoring financial realities and imitating your favorite fictional characters, then about Joey’s entire personality, which he decides is defined by being “some scared little girl who’s afraid to really love someone.” Jeez, overreact much?

But then, something beautiful happens. Joey actually stands up for herself! She borderline mocks him for acting like he has all these totally original ideas, when really he just wants his whole life to be a low-rent On the Road (which, by the way, did not involve blowing thousands of dollars to go to bougie, expensive cities like Paris). And then when he accuses her of “blinding” him to her true, unbohemian nature, she kicks him out! Go, Joey!

Unfortunately, Hetson decides to gang up on her (shot!) and shows her some dumb, super on-the-nose quote from Catch-22 (shot!) about “running away to save your life” or “choosing life” or some shit. I’m all for Joey getting the stick out of her ass and living life a little for a change, but she totally misinterprets this sign from the universe and decides to give in to all of Eddie’s demands.

Luckily for her, it’s too late, and Eddie has already left her a break-up letter that is, true to form, one giant neg (shot!). He says that he wants to be “one of those people who disturb the universe without a thought to the consequences” (so, a selfish asshole? Mission well accomplished) and she’s not that person, “at least not yet.” He finishes off with the signature of every condescending mansplainer since the beginning of time: “I hope you prove me wrong one day.” UGH. BARF.

Sidebar: I used to think this was a really contrived reason for Joey and Eddie to break up, especially since not too long ago his major complaint about Joey was that she was a privileged snob and now he’s basically breaking up with her for understanding the value of money. But now that I’m older, and have met so many guys like Eddie, it makes perfect sense. His constant criticism at the beginning was never about her being a snob–especially since she’s from working class beginnings herself–and this barrage of criticism isn’t really about her betraying the Gospel According to Kerouac. It’s a power play–criticism for criticism’s sake. Good riddance.

Meanwhile, Pacey continues his shockingly boring torrid affair with Sadia Shaw, the “shrewd journalist.” They go out to dinner, and he tells her very significantly that he has a thing for “brainy brunettes with brown eyes,” and I guess we’re supposed to think he’s talking about Joey, but say it with me: SHE DOESN’T HAVE BROWN EYES.

Anyway, they have sex, and then Pacey goes into work the next day and makes a truly disgusting speech to a bunch of newbs about how he had sex with a “beautiful woman” who was “way out of [his] league” because he makes tons of money. (As if Sadia Shaw, who’s somehow always wearing a perfectly tailored suit, doesn’t have money of her own.) I know this is supposed to be the moment that Pacey becomes Rich, but when it comes to misogyny, the student has really surpassed the master.

So Pacey gets all cocky, and invests all his money and his clients’ money (including Dawson’s) in that vaguely sketchy stock we’ve been hearing about all season. He checks the stock obsessively while in bed with Sadia, because even Pacey thinks that stocks are more interesting than this new relationship. Then the stock plummets, he loses all of Dawson’s money, and Sadia Shaw has a fiance that I totally forgot about, because no one cares about Sadia Shaw.

Then Pacey crazily asks his boss for a humongous loan to cover Dawson’s losses, and when Rich says no, Pacey beats him up! There are so many great reasons to beat Rich up, but this really isn’t one of them.

Also, David decides to give Jack another chance, but then sees that he’s–gasp!–talking to another guy, which leads him to conclude that Jack doesn’t really want to be with him and is just “going through the motions” because he thinks it’s “the right thing to do.” Um, ooookay, whatever you say, David.

• Oh Pacey. He claims he’s “taken care of that,” with regard to the woman he was seeing when he last met Sadia. Yes, you took care of that by being BRUTALLY dumped at a high school prom. Way to spin it Pace! —Nerdy Spice
• According to Joey, Hetson’s exam just consists of asking factual questions about Lolita. That’s kind of pathetic for an upper-class seminar. —Nerdy Spice
• If anyone is interested in what the “J” stands for in “Pacey J. Witter,” it’s John, after his horrible father.
• So in only a couple of episodes, Pacey went from telling Dawson not to get involved in the stock game at all to convincing him not to cash out and to charge his entire movie on his brand-new credit cards?? I mean, Dawson is responsible for his own actions, but this is how recessions get started.
• I love that Joey basically references Pacey for this entire episode while she’s talking about the practicalities of running away together, but also–what is she talking about, exactly? There weren’t any real consequences to her trip with Pacey. She just sort of ate fish and wore halter tops for a summer, and then her family business did better without her! Take a shot for rewriting history!
• This Catch-22 metaphor where Joey is supposed to “run away to save her life” is nice and all, but… WHAT?! How does winning Eddie’s approval count as saving her life? —Nerdy Spice
• Of course Eddie characterizes his hastily scribbled, super insulting note as him doing a “real goodbye” for once. What a perfect send-off for this truly terrible character.

Highlight:

While Eddie is accusing her of not being able to grow up, Joey’s reaction is incredibly well-reasoned and adult. When he says she wants to do this “on her terms,” she asks, “Whose terms should I do it on?” and stands firm that she shouldn’t have to ignore all of her instincts and past experience just to make him happy. Meanwhile, he’s having a hissy fit about leaving town even a day after he planned. I love it.

Most cringeworthy moment:

During Pacey’s little initiation speech, he talks about having sex with beautiful women who only want men for their money, then tells all the surrounding nerdy white men that they are there because they want to “escape their miserable, bottom-feeding existence that has been denying them what is rightfully theirs.” It’s very much like an incel convention.

Drunkenness level:

Sixteen, primarily for two conversations that reference Lolita, Pynchon, Kafka, Kundera, On the Road, and Saul Bellow, and also weirdly conflate Flaubert and Proust, who have little in common other than being French.

Season 6, Episode 21 “Good-Bye Yellow Brick Road”

By Nerdy Spice

I’m pretty sure this is the last episode where Dawson throws a giant hissy fit over Pacey and Joey, and I’m almost sad about it! I’m sure it’s not the last time he’ll do it in life, but I think it’s the last time he’ll do it on the show, and I’m sure going to miss making fun of him for it.

So as we know, Pacey has failed at his project of proving his manhood by making himself and everyone else around him rich, instead losing all of Dawson’s money and his own savings and his job. He shows up in Capeside to try to tell Dawson this, but Dawson is so excited about his newly Spielberg-decorated room (which he apparently went to a lot of effort to recreate exactly as it was in some earlier season) that he loses his nerve. It probably doesn’t help that Dawson is being all nice to him for possibly the first time in three years, and even thanks him. Pacey waxes uncharacteristically emo about shit like youth and the past, but Dawson doesn’t notice because, well, he’s Dawson and the world revolves around him. Pacey leaves without telling him the bad news.

Meanwhile, Joey’s come back to have one of those awkwardly half-romantic conversations with Dawson. It starts, of course, with her admiring Dawson’s stupid redecorating job. I can’t believe Joey has to spend another scene lavishing praise upon Dawson for his ability to remember details of his own childhood and recreate them with meticulous accuracy (since she already did that once on his film set). I understand his urge to do it, but to act like someone is a genius for indulging that urge? Come on, Joey. (Shot for unwarranted praise of Dawson.)

Then, in the middle of Dawson revealing that his movie is just another navel-gazing exploration of Dawson-and-Joey, Joey decides to announce, “You’ve grown up.” (At this point I literally said out loud to my screen, “Let’s not get carried away.”) Shot for discussion of growing up AND shot for unwarranted praise of Dawson! Then she calls Dawson “devilishly clever” and we take ANOTHER shot for unwarranted praise of Dawson. There’s also another mention of growing up (shot) and Joey randomly saying the sentence “Casual sex.” for no reason (shot for mentioning sex at inappropriate times!). Oh my God it’s the worst conversation ever. And of course, the whole debacle ends with prolonged, awkward, unsexy hand-holding.

It takes Audrey, who runs into Pacey at a bar, to recognize that Pacey’s brooding over something and tell him to step up. They have a sweet and comfortable reunion including a big affectionate hug, which is very nice to watch. It also includes Pacey complaining that no one should ever believe in him — classic shot for Pacey-as-black-sheep!

Fortified by Audrey’s encouragement, Pacey shows up to tell Dawson what happened, conveniently running into him when Joey is there to serve as a lightning rod. Dawson is angry that Pacey didn’t listen to him when he asked to withdraw, which is kind of fair except that Pacey tried to say no to this arrangement to begin with. While Joey begs everyone to remember that it’s only business, Dawson roundly ignores her to announce that they’re not friends because what happened with Joey “tore his world upside down” (shot for Pacey and Joey Ruining Everything!). Oh shut up, Dawson. There’s a bunch of other random accusations flung around, until finally Joey interrupts and Pacey “leaves.”

Except he doesn’t really leave, he just goes to sit on Dawson’s own dock. Why, you ask? Perhaps because it’s conveniently located in Joey’s eyeline so she can come out and comfort him. YAY! Pacey starts out all bitter, even saying, “I know you’d rather be in the house with Dawson, so why don’t you just go and help him lick his wounds.” Oh, Pacey. Joey says, somewhat hilariously, “I don’t think anyone even remembers what they’re mad about anymore.” Pacey says drily, “I wouldn’t be so sure.” Yeah, I’m with Pacey. It is almost cute that Joey thinks Dawson hasn’t spent the last three years, like, rereading his journal from 2000 and memorizing a blow-by-blow account of all of Pacey’s supposed sins.

But the conversation gets super sweet after that. Pacey sadly says that they’ve had a confusing run of things, and Joey protests that she cares about him, even if she doesn’t fit in that girlfriend box. She even says that she loves him. And he says that the moments she walks away are the most painful moments of his life. AWWW. (There’s also some silly stuff where Joey basically tells Pacey she walked away from him because he was expecting abandonment, like, I thought you walked away from him because Eddie came back and snapped his fingers? She also tells Pacey it’s his job to make it right, like… at this point I think it’s really on Dawson to get the eff over himself.)

Also, I know I say this every week, but Jen does a bunch of stuff that’s stupid and offensive. She invites her mother, Helen, to stay with her and Grams without telling Grams, clearly hoping to coerce Grams into revealing her breast cancer diagnosis before Grams is ready. Grams is pissed, so Jen kisses her on the cheek and says “I love you,” which… I guess is how boys convince Jen to put up with their shit, so maybe she figures it’ll work on Grams. Jen proceeds to throw her grandmother and mother together on purpose to try to stir up shit. It sucks.

Jen makes both Jack and CJ show up to a dinner that she’s clearly hoping will be full of drama, which it is. First, Helen is absurdly rude to CJ and Jack, whom she doesn’t recognize (which is hilariously ironic, since Jack is being played by the same actor and it’s Helen who isn’t). We also learn that CJ is about to leave for some kind of semester abroad in New York, but no one cares, because it’s CJ. Finally, CJ’s Uncle Bill shows up and spills the beans to everyone, while blaming Grams for having cancer. Um, thanks, Uncle Bill?

Finally, they all decide to move to New York to live with Helen: Grams for cancer treatment, Jen who’s a sophomore in college to “take care of Grams” (aka to be with her new boyfriend), and Jack who’s a sophomore in college and has no intention of finishing, I guess? It makes no sense, but at least Jen gets to use her grandmother’s cancer to further her love life, so… win win.

As for Audrey, she’s hanging out with Jack Osbourne in Plot Isolation Limbo again, since Joey was clearly needed for more important things like discussing relationship drama she’s already discussed ad nauseam for four seasons. Joey does show up long enough to catch Jack Osbourne sniffing her running shorts (why are we supposed to think this is funny? It’s disgusting and violating) and to bid Audrey a sweet good-bye in which she admits she’s never had another girlfriend. Possibly because she’s always running out on her girlfriends to go bicker with Dawson. Later, Audrey ends up singing a lovely, heartfelt, folky song at some random bar. I love it, and not just because it’s used as the background for my favorite thing, a montage. This one’s of the End of the Episode Mixed Emotions variety: it shows Pacey, Dawson, and Joey separately staring tearfully at the creek, while the Jen-Jack-Grams branch make cookies and enjoy themselves.

• “That’s… that’s very French,” Jen’s mom says when she sees her haircut. It is clearly intended to insult and yet it still seems like a generous response.
• For her part Jen tells her mom, “You look good, Mom. Not as Upper East Sidey.” That’s a majorly and rudely backhanded compliment but I’ll give her a pass this one time because her mom was so rude about her haircut.
• I know I say this every week, but Jen is SUCH an ASSHOLE. During the awkward conversation with her mother and grandmother, when the topic lands on hairstyles again, a charming person might think, “Gee, I’d better come up with something interesting to talk about. Maybe I should ask my mother what she thinks of the most recent episode of ER!” But Jen’s reaction is to point out the awkwardness without doing anything to fix it, instead just blaming other people for the boringness of a conversation she is part of. She goes, “I’ll tell you what, why don’t you two try to find a topic that is more probing than current hairstyles or weather patterns, and I’ll go wash up.” Um, cool story, Jen. Maybe YOU should find a topic that’s more “probing.”
• No matter how much I hate Dawson, I’m still a sucker for that moment where Joey sees the ladder back up. But then she gets into Dawson’s bedroom with the movie posters and it’s just creepy. –Janes
• We keep marveling that Joey’s clothes are all back in fashion, and look: even her ugly sneakers are now a big 2018 trend!
  
  
• While talking to Dawson, Joey’s like, “It wasn’t easy not talking to you,” but like… she had a great time! She dated Eddie the sexpot twice and Pacey the sweetheart once! Come on, Joey, admit it: you barely noticed he was gone.
• I know I’ve said this so many times, but Joey and Dawson are literally incapable of talking about their relationship in any sort of healthy, direct manner. The structure of their talk here basically goes: Joey says they should be able to talk about their one-night stand, then they talk about the movie posters, and his screenplay, and some vague platitudes about growing up. Good job, guys. –Janes
• Poor CJ has to listen to Jen explain to her mother that the difference between him and Jack is that she has sex with CJ. When he asks if that’s the only difference he is roundly ignored. I’ll answer this for you, CJ: Yes, that is your only distinguishing feature in Jen’s eyes, because she is crude and insensitive and basically does not see you as a human being.
• “You made money. Congratulations. You impressed us all,” says Dawson during the Big Fight. He’s being an ass, but to be fair I’ve been wanting to say that to Pacey all season.
• Pacey and Dawson are being very petty, but it still makes me happy that Joey goes to comfort Pacey first. –Janes

Highlight

I mean:

Most cringeworthy moment:

Dawson refers to Pacey as his “competitor” during their fight. It is so gross — he really does think of Joey as just an object to win. (To be absolutely brutally honest, Pacey also clearly sees Dawson as a competitor, he’s just not such a dick that he would actually frame it that way.)

Although also, the show tries to get comedic mileage out of Jack Osborne sniffing Joey’s running shorts like sexual violation is so quirky and funny. So that’s a tie, maybe.

Drunkenness level

Nine, including one ET reference. And btw, fully a third of them were for unwarranted praise of Dawson.

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