Happy 25th birthday to Friends! This show first aired a full quarter-century ago, and yet given how often it seems to be quoted in pop culture, it easily could’ve been yesterday. “He’s a TRANSPONSTER!” “We were on a break!” “How you doin’?”
And sure, those lines are classics. But Keets, Janes, and I have watched Friends waaaaay too many times, and there are some lines that no one ever quotes that still make us laugh every freaking time.
Here are the top Friends quotes that we think should live on for the next 25 years…
Joey, to his grandma: Ooh, ooh! Is that the pope?
An excellent distraction tactic for Catholic grandmas! Keets and I use it to “distract” each other when we’re going to steal bites of food off each other’s plates.
Frank Junior: I like to melt stuff.
Phoebe: Is it like art?
Frank Junior: Yeah, you can melt art.
Later, Frank Junior refers to the above exchange as a great conversation about their likes (melting stuff) and dislikes (stuff that doesn’t melt).
Frank Junior: There’s just so many of them. You know? Two I could handle. Two’s great. You hold one in each hand. But what do I do when the third one comes at me with his bike helmet on? I got no hands left to protect my area. There’s three of them, Phoebe. Three.
Phoebe: Yeah, I know, Frank, I counted them when they were coming out of my area.
I think I could have filled this whole post with quotes from Frank Junior TBH.
Ross: Can you believe that guy?
Phoebe: Yeah. I really like his glasses.
I love how completely unsupportive Phoebe is here as Ross gets harassed by a stranger to chip in a hundred dollars for a handyman he’s never met. At first she sounds like she’s going to agree with Ross, but actually she doesn’t give one shit about his problem. Cold!
[Joey arrives at Central Perk after Rachel rejected his crush]
[Long, awkward silence.]
[Long, even more awkward silence.]
Monica: Tea gives Phoebe the trots!
It’s always best to break an awkward silence with a loud non-sequitur about diarrhea.
Rachel’s father: How about I order us all the Moroccan chicken?
Phoebe: Oh, I don’t eat meat.
Rachel’s father: … It’s chicken…
Phoebe: Yeah, I don’t eat that either.
Rachel’s father: I’ll never understand you lesbians.
Friends had a lot of jokes about LGBTQ people that punched down, but this is hilarious because it’s clearly at Rachel’s father’s expense. Bonus points for making fun of people who don’t understand the concept of vegetarianism. It’s not that hard, people!!
Phoebe: Let’s play a game.
Phoebe’s annoyingly happy boyfriend Parker: I love games!
Phoebe: Shocking. Let’s play the game of “who can stay quiet the longest?”.
Parker: Or Jenga!
Alec Baldwin plays Parker, so obviously the whole episode is amazing. I love how he almost goes along with Phoebe’s tactic… but then excitedly yells, “OR JENGA!” So good.
Ross: I guess I could, it’s just we didn’t really end things on good terms. And if I went over there, I’d be ignoring the one thing she asked me to do when we broke up: jump up my own ass and die.
Mona was really ahead of the Ross-hating game.
Ross, under his breath: “I am so gonna score…”
Little girl that Ross is dancing with: “What?”
Ross, enunciating: “I LIKE YOUR BOW.”
Ross is being a total fucking creep in this scene, acting all fatherly towards little girls to convince Monica’s pretty friend that he’s a nice guy so that he can sleep with her. And then he’s mean to the overweight little girl who wants to take a turn dancing with him! But I crack up every time I watch him cover up his grossness by shouting at the little girl that he likes her bow.
Ross: At the end of the date, the other time, she said something that, if she was kidding, was very funny. On the other hand, if she wasn’t kidding, she’s not fun, she’s stupid. And kind of a racist.
Little hint: people who say possibly-racist things on dates almost invariably do turn out to be stupid and kind of racist. I have definitely quoted this to friends who’ve been on bad dates with people who might be stupid racists.
Joey: The other day she laughed for like an hour at a cup. Just a cup with a picture of Elmo on it dressed as a farmer. And he’s standing next to this cow and the cow says “El-moooooooo”! [laughs] Yeah… that’s a funny cup.
You guys, I have to admit I really don’t think this line is funny at all, but Keets laughs hysterically every time he hears it, and I find that funny.
Rachel’s sister [aka Christina Applegate], re: Rachel refusing to give her custody of Emma in the event of her death: “This is just so classic Rachel.”
Rachel: “Oh yeah, right, remember in high school, when I died and didn’t give you my baby?”
Rachel’s sisters are always a good time, but this exchange encapsulates sisterhood more than any other. It gets me every time!
Emily’s dad: “Don’t take that tone with me!”
Emily’s mom: [Glares]
Emily’s dad: “All right, you can.”
An ignominious defeat.
This is by far me and Keets’ most quoted line. And don’t speculate about what that signifies about our relationship!
…All right, you can.