Romy and Michele’s High School Reunion, the movie that changed the way we all think about Post-Its, came out twenty years ago this April. Which makes two whole decades that I have been quoting this movie at every possible opportunity.
In honor of this important milestone, here are the top 20 times that Romy and Michele had the perfect thing to say for any occasion you can possibly think of:
20. When you are in an argument with a big fat jerk.
“You’re a bad person with an ugly heart, and we don’t give a flying fuck what you think.”
19. When your friend thinks she’s gained weight.
“That’s impossible. Did you deduct sixteen pounds for your shoes?”
18. When you need to make an acceptance speech for an award, but you’re only wearing a bra. (It happens to everyone.)
“I couldn’t find my top.”
17. When you’re applying for a job.
“I have this really believable way of telling people that they look really good, even though I’m just like, you know. [jerk-off motion] …I think she heard me.”
16. When you want someone to have a fabulous day.
Have a Romy and Michele Day!
15. When you want people to take your love seriously.
“I did not have a ‘thing.’ I did not have a thing. I did not have a thing. I was very much in love with Sandy Frink. Very much in love. And there’s a difference. There’s a difference. There’s a difference.”
14. When you want to convince the diner lady that you’re an important businesswoman.
“Do you have some sort of businesswomen’s special?”
13. When you want to bring a conversation to a crashing halt.
“Didn’t he die?”
12. When you’re in a catfight with three pregnant women.
“Oh yeah? Well I hope your babies look like monkeys.”
11. When your best friend is being way too strict about your new diet.
“If you think that one chip makes a difference. It wasn’t even a whole chip.”
10. When your best friend brags about losing her virginity before you.
“Oh, big whoop, with your cousin Barry. I wouldn’t brag about it.”
9. When you know for a fact you’re cuter than your best friend.
“I’m the Mary! I’M THE MARY!”
8. When you’re trying to make up after a fight with your slightly-less-cute best friend.
“You’re as cute as me. You are! In some cultures, maybe cuter.”
7. When you don’t want to do math problems.
“Like if there’s a guy in a rowboat going X miles, and the current is going, like, you know, some other miles, how long does it take him to get to town? It was like, who cares? Who wants to go to town with a guy in a rowboat?”
6. When you want to humblebrag about having a flip phone.
“If anyone needs to make a call, I’ve got a phone!”
5. When you have SO MUCH in common with your best friend.
-Oh my God, I hate throwing up in public!
-Me too, ah!
4. When you need to make a quick getaway from a social interaction.
“Would you excuse me? I cut my foot before and my shoe is filling up with blood.”
3. When you look rilly rilly cute.
-I just love how cute I look!
-You know what? I think this is like, the cutest we’ve ever looked.
-Oh, it’s definitely the cutest.
-Don’t you love how we can just say that to each other, and know we’re not being conceited?
-Oh, I know, no, we’re just being honest. Ah!
2. When you are TOTALLY just watching Pretty Woman to make fun of it.
-You know, even though we’ve watched Pretty Woman, like, 36 times, I never get tired of making fun of it.
-Oh, I know, poor thing. Look, they won’t let her shop.
-…But it is actually kind of sad.
-Ha! …I just get really happy when they finally let her shop.
1. When your best friend finds weight-loss success with a grueling nutritional regimen.
-All I’ve had to eat for the past six days are gummy bears, jelly beans, and candy corns.
-God, I wish I had your discipline.
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